You know what I love about what you just wrote? You totally own your limitations and the implications of them. We all have these. (Mine would be bad breath.) Limitations when it comes to size and masculine vs. feminine can be dangerous when it veers into shaming and bullying and making people feel less than by including things like “No fatties” and “No fems” in dating profiles.

That said, I don’t see them as being on the same level as race. One can adjust one’s level of masculine and feminine, and, for the most part, weight is something we can control. Ethnicity, however, is set in stone, plus when you factor in the historical context, it becomes a completely different and far more loaded beast. We all harbor a degree of racism, but most of us would rather not acknowledge it, and if there’s no acknowledging it, there’s no dealing with it.

I struggled for a long time with masculine vs. feminine, and I’ve written about it in the past. As I get older, though, I find that my taste has expanded. I actually find a bit of camp quite sexy now, and I’ve never been particularly strict when it comes to weight. I don’t necessarily see myself with an ultra-feminine guy or with an obese one, but if other factors were to fall into place, I could definitely fall for either.

Brother Son Husband Friend Loner Minimalist World Traveler. Author of “Is It True What They Say About Black Men?” and “Storms in Africa”

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