Why I’m Done Blacksplaining Racism To Gay White Men

I’m not having this conversation again. It always seems to go the same way.

Uh-uh. Ooh-ooh. Look out. Here it comes… again. Yup, here we go again. I’m sitting across from another gay white male, and he’s telling me how good I have it.

“You know, black guys really are the luckiest gay guys,” Marcelo says. “They’re the only ones who can walk into any bar, any club, and get pretty much any guy they want.”

Um, oh… what? I can’t believe my ears. Marcelo is from Spain, a country where white-on-black racism might not be as pronounced as it is in much of the English-speaking world. But can he really be so ignorant about what black men — black people — go through on a daily basis in a world where white is considered supreme? Despite what gay guys on Grindr and Scruff seem to think, life is not a pick-up joint. It’s not all about scoring. Just because you can get laid doesn’t mean all of life’s problems just vanish.

“You’re really simplifying the black experience,” I tell him. “But even if we’re talking strictly sex, no, black men are not the luckiest gays in the world. And no, we cannot have anyone we want.”

I proceed to relive my first 15 years as an out of the closet gay black man in New York City. It’s been 11…