So You Say You Don’t Hate Gays?

When a denial is tantamount to an admission of guilt.

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Some things are better left unsaid. And some things are so obvious they don’t have to be said — like “I’m not in love” (believe me, baby, it probably shows) and “I’m just not that into you” (believe me, baby, it probably shows).

And then, some things, when said, mean the exact opposite. That’s where the dreaded “I’m not racist” and “I’m not homophobic” come in.

Contrary to what those who doth protest “racist” and “homophobic” too much would rather have everyone outside of their echo chamber believe, most white people don’t spend all day fending off accusations that they’re racist. In fact, some of them never have to.

For many people, thinking first and then speaking is not a hard concept to grasp. They can pull off certain tasks, like not saying offensive things that offend large groups of people, in their sleep. “PC” is an albatross only to those who are too lazy to think. It’s such an inconvenience, isn’t it?

Not just another Facebook rant

That’s clearly the case with a Troy, one of my too many red-stater Facebook friends from high school whom I barely remember. He recently posted a rant about how he’ll never say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas,” about how Santa definitely is not gay, and about how anyone who disagrees can fuck off. Sounds like he’s already having a merry Christmas, right?

Here’s how it began. (Typos and grammatical errors have been preserved to protect the semi-literate.)

Then along came Jay to let some fresh air into Troy’s echo chamber.

Jay: One, SANTAS NOT REEEEEEEAL. Two, No one said “Santa” was gay. My kids won’t know Santa.

Troy: there is a new book or something floating around fb that santa now has a gay lover … of course he’s not real….but it’s part of a child hood….Jay I’m sorry that if you have kids one day you won’t let them know santa…very sad my friend

Jay: Id rather not lie to them. And honestly the book is probably just satire, a thing this world doesn’t seem to deal well with now a days.

Troy: it doesnt matter Santa is not gay and never has been…..its not lying Jay its fantasy part of childhood…..I’m sure you fantasizes as kid….

Jay: Again, Santa’s not real. It’s pointless to argue over a fictitious being. I mean I might as well raise my kids to believe a drag queen breaks into our house every Christmas and leaves presents and steals cookies and milk.

Troy: wow ok Jay…i’m.not trying to change your mind….and you cant change mine….But you will teach your kids about drag queens and that will influence them in a big way to be gay so is that any better than a make believe Santa…bc drag queens are essentially make believe also….. But it’s all good … this is my post and again Santa isn’t gay and its Merry Christmas not happy holidays and i dont care what anyone else thinks about these 2 subjects….And you know I’m not a homophobe you know I accept you as you are ….

So much to ridicule here — and note that he preemptively pointed out that he’s “not a homophobe” before anyone called him one. My main takeaway was this: Watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, which, by the way, my black and gay ass has never done because I don’t enjoy drag, is like reading a “How to be Gay” manual. Kids, don’t do it at home, or you’ll grow up to be one.

My second takeaway: Troy wouldn’t want his kids watching RuPaul’s Drag Race because it will “influence them in a big way to be gay.”

My third takeaway: My ex Kass, an “essentially make believe” drag queen, must have been a figment of my imagination.

Troy must not proofread his sentences, and I doubt he puts much thought into them either. I’m pretty sure Troy, like Megyn Kelly, would argue that Santa is white, too. He probably also assumes Jesus looked like a hot hippie from ’60s-era Haight-Ashbury and not someone who was born and raised in the Middle East. If a brown Jesus is so unfathomable, a gay Jesus, like the one in the controversial Brazilian Netflix Christmas comedy The First Temptation of Christ, must be unthinkable.

If a brown Jesus is so unfathomable, a gay Jesus, like the one in the controversial Brazilian Netflix Christmas comedy The First Temptation of Christ, must be unthinkable.

Troy probably rolled his eyes all through Bruce Almighty, the 2003 film that featured Morgan Freeman playing God. A black God? Never. That’s as impossible as a gay Santa. Everything iconic and mythical has to be white and straight.

Fear of a gay planet?

People like Troy spend way too much time taking things personally when they have nothing to do with them personally — like abortion, like burning American flags, like kneeling for the National Anthem, like not saying the Pledge of Allegiance, like other people’s sexual orientation, like Kelly Clarkson and John Legend’s new “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” lyrics. And they call us “snowflakes.”

They’re obsessed with their own feelings, but fuck the feelings of anyone who gets offended by anything they say. They’re afraid of changing times and a changing narrative featuring people who aren’t white or straight or male or cisgender in leading roles.

They cling to the status quo, a pre-#BlackLivesMatter, #MeToo, and global warming world where everything works in their favor. If drag queens and gay Santas influence all kids to grow up gay, what will become of straight people, God’s chosen? Leave the Confederate symbols alone, dammit!

Jay challenged Troy for a few more posts, explaining the concept of “homophobic” and why “Happy Holidays” is preferable to “Merry Christmas.” But the conversation followed a familiar “conservative” vs. “liberal” trajectory. Jay might as well have been talking to a wall.

Troy: no jay its Merry Christmas if you dint like it or my post block me bro…i was or thought we were you know me…but again it’s my fucking post i dont care about the other religions its Merry Christmas…so fuck every one who dis agrees with me ….bc the majority does not

Hmm… I wonder whom Troy voted for in the last presidential election. My guess is someone as misguided, stubbornly ignorant, and semi-literate as he sounded on Facebook.

Most homophobic and racist people lack the self-awareness to recognize what they are.

Most homophobic and racist people lack the self-awareness to recognize what they are. They may think their way/color/sexual orientation is the best way/color/sexual orientation and anyone on the other side of “the right” is wrong, but don’t call them racist — or homophobic. Don’t you dare.

Aside from a black or gay Santa or Jesus, the most intolerable person to the self-unaware is the one who holds up a mirror and forces them to face their character flaws. Approach with caution.

Written by

Brother Son Husband Friend Loner Minimalist World Traveler. Author of “Is It True What They Say About Black Men?” and “Storms in Africa”

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