“Sexual orientation” and “sexual preference” are two completely different things, and it’s important not to use the two interchangeably. There are words in place to describe sexual orientation, words that some find as undesirable as “racist.” I am not gay because I “prefer” men to women sexually and romantically. I am gay because I connect to men, both physically and emotionally, in a way I do not connect to women. If you want to say that makes me misogynistic, go right ahead. I’m not misogynistic. I actually think women are superior to men in a lot of ways and often prefer their company. One’s sexuality is far more ingrained and defining than how we want the people we screw to look.
The first point I made in my article — right there in the headline — is that it’s not racist to have preferences. But where we are going to have to agree to disagree (ugh, I hate that phrase, but there it is) is on your defining racism as a “form of aggressive prejudice.” With all due respect, that’s such a white thing to say. I think that’s a definition that could come only from someone who hasn’t spent a lifetime dealing with racism in its myriad forms. It’s so much more than that. It’s not always aggressive. It’s not always out in the open. There’s casual racism, which, in some ways, is even more dangerous because people are afraid to claim it and others (always white — shocker!) would rather pretend it doesn’t exist.
The thing with men and women who casually toss off “No Asians/No blacks/No whites/No whatever race” is that if they bothered to dig a little deeper, they might realize that there’s a lot more to preemptively dismissing an entire race, an entire continent, or an entire ethnicity from one’s dating pool than “That’s what I connect to physically and emotionally.”
It’s the same with white guys who come on strong with the “I love black cock” talk. They’d probably say they aren’t racist because they’re not being negative. But interestingly enough, these are always the first guys, who, when you reject them, are quick to call you “nigger” and tell you to go back to the plantation.
My final point is that racist and racism are a lot more complicated than your definition. But perhaps you have to be constantly on the receiving end of it to truly get it.