Member-only story
Gay Is Not a Way of Life
We think — and live — outside the box the world constructed for us.
Gay men don’t get much credit for all the unpredictability and diversity within our ranks, but the “G” in LGBTQ is a lot more than one letter. In fact, the entire alphabet wouldn’t do us justice. There are so many different ways to be a gay man — ways in which “top,” “bottom,” “versatile,” “twink,” “otter,” “bear,” “masc,” femme,” and all the various gay-identity designations don’t even begin to cover — that just creating a Grindr profile can be as tedious as checking all those self-identification boxes on a job application.
Somehow, though, straight people — not all of them, but way too many — have often narrowed “gay” down to something even more basic than one letter: sex. In the process, they’ve created this monolithic all-encompassing entity called the “gay lifestyle.” It’s their creation, not ours, and it underscores the common assumption that how we have sex and with whom we have sex informs and determines everything else about the lives we lead.
