Darren, for some reason, I wasn’t able to comment under the post you linked me to. I think you make some solid points about gay men. I wrote a HuffPost essay after Kevin hosted the Tonys in which I criticized him for making fun of coming out rather than just coming out. I received tons of hateful comments for my efforts. What I didn’t say in my article is that I believe the closet is responsible for a lot of what some might call “deviant” behavior in gay culture (for example, trolling for public sex, as you point out). But it’s harder for me to make excuses for a gay man’s specific “deviant” behaviour when I wouldn’t dream of doing it for a straight man. It’s interesting to me that the straight men who have been exposed by the #MeToo movement have been nearly universally scorned. Meanwhile, so many people seem far more sympathetic to Spacey. Personally, I think it’s highly possible that Kevin is just a raging asshole who equates sex with power, you know, sort of like Harvey Weinstein. Even if the closet made him do it, I’m not sure I’m willing to offer empathy to him any more than I would to a wife beater who grow up in a house where his father abused his mother. While nurture may predispose us to certain behavior, ultimately we are responsible for our behavior. I grew up with the same challenges as Spacey (more, considering my race), and a lot of the qualities you mention in your piece sound so familiar. But it’s one thing to crave approval and admiration and another to jump on top of underage boys. I think I might feel more sympathy for Spacey if there was genuine contrition in his public statement. He doesn’t even really acknowledge that what Rapp said happened actually happened. I do hope he gets the help he needs, but he’ll need to own his misdeeds first and not suggest that maybe he did them, maybe he didn’t. Thanks for sharing your article with me.

Written by

Brother Son Husband Friend Loner Minimalist World Traveler. Author of “Is It True What They Say About Black Men?” and “Storms in Africa” https://rb.gy/3mthoj

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store